That wild flight of hyperbole by Bud Pike, chairman of the IowaRacing and Gaming Commission, drew a chorus of cheers at April Fool'sDay ceremonies in Davenport marking the maiden voyage of thePresident Riverboat Casino.
At the other end of the enthusiasm scale, the inaugural cruiseof the Dubuque Casino Belle was picketed by Phyllis J. Jones, aDubuque woman carrying a sign that read: "God doesn't like riverboatgambling."
Whether you'll like riverboat gambling aboard the three vesselsthat began plying the Mississippi on Monday from Davenport, Dubuqueand Bettendorf depends very much on the intensity of your passion forslot machines, blackjack tables and roulette wheels.
All three boats - the President, the Dubuque Casino Belle andthe Diamond Lady - are designed to leave no doubt that wagering isthe primary point of the cruise.
Though Iowa law limits the casinos to 30 percent of a vessel'sspace, my impression after sailing on the two Quad Cities boats andtouring the one in Dubuque is that the operators must have factoredthe engine room into their calculations of total area. They may havecounted the underside of the hull as well.
The casinos dominate the atmosphere aboard, more so on thePresident than its rivals. Outside the dining rooms, the mostspacious place to escape the ching-ching-ching of the slots is theopen top deck, which could be broiling on the hottest summer days.Interior lounges are small enough in some instances to look likegrudging afterthoughts.
The children's areas, supposedly a big part of the familyatmosphere that the Iowa vessels have been touting, can be found onlywith some serious sleuthing on the Quad Cities boats.
On the Diamond Lady last week, the youth area amounted tonothing more than three video games sharing a cramped room with somecoat racks. On the President, a half-dozen video games were tuckedbelow the main casino deck in a cluttered construction zone. Bothoperations say these facilities will be improved in the weeks ahead.The Dubuque Casino Belle's video-game and toy room, which has asupervisor on the scene, is more inviting.
If you're a non-gambling adult tempted to take a casino cruise,be prepared to risk boredom during the 2 1/2 to five hours on theriver. Outside the casinos, your choice of activities is pretty muchlimited to eating the buffet meal, taking in a bit of peripheralshow-lounge entertainment, browsing the gift shop, or watching theriver flow past.
The Dubuque Casino Belle appears to devote the most effort tolive entertainment, and it sails a more scenic stretch of theMississippi. Each of the boats plans to offer top-deck commentary onwhatever shoreline sights there are, as will two additional Iowacasino vessels coming on line later this spring in Clinton and FortMadison.
Shows and scenery hardly matter, of course, to the vast targetaudience of recreational gamblers. There were no complaints whenMonday's inaugural cruise of the President had to idle for two hoursin mid-river because high water kept it from passing under thenearest bridge. Most of the 950 passengers were too absorbed inslots, blackjack and other games of chance to notice that their boatwasn't going anywhere.
Despite Iowa's well-publicized limits of $5 per bet and $200 inindividual losses per cruise, the riverboat casinos do manage togenerate some of the Las Vegas hothouse atmosphere. Slot machinesgot the heaviest play on Monday, but there were also crowds at theblackjack and craps tables. The casino area seemed less crowded onthe President than aboard the smaller Diamond Lady.
One Las Vegas perk missing from the Iowa mix is free drinks forgamblers on the casino floor. While you're betting on the President,for example, you'll pay $1.25 for a beer and $2.25 for a glass ofwine.
Amateur photographers aboard the President and the DubuqueCasino Belle will welcome another switch from Las Vegas practice.Those two boats allow snapshots in the betting areas, though theDiamond Lady adheres to the more common ban on casino photos.
When choosing among the new riverboats, one consideration is thelength of their cruises. Shortest are those on the President,usually running 2 1/2 hours. That's half the length of the DubuqueCasino Belle's five-hour excursions. The Diamond Lady's are mostlyfour-hour sailings.
If you can't get enough of gambling, the top ticket is thePresident's "All Day Extravaganza" - four cruises totaling 10 1/2hours on the river (including breakfast, lunch and dinner), with atotal loss limit of $800.
At $67.90 on Fridays and Saturdays, that "All Day Extravaganza"is the most expensive of the various riverboat packages. Cheapest isthe Diamond Lady's $7.95 morning cruise without breakfast.
Meals aboard all three boats are served buffet style. Aninaugural-day sampling found them ample and as decently prepared ascan be expected for mass-feeding menus. Starting in mid-April, thePresident will offer the option of dining before or after a cruise inits dockside President's River Club, a setting distinctly moreelegant than the dining rooms on the boat.
The River Club, part of the new President's Landing complex onthe Davenport waterfront, also has a sizable dance floor and severallounges where live music will be played. Steamboat Casino RiverCruises, which owns the Diamond Lady, is developing Steamboat Landingshore facilities in Bettendorf, with a motorhome park scheduled toopen in July and a factory-outlet mall planned for next year.
Devout souvenir hunters will find the most action in the eightshops at the nearly completed dockside visitor center being built atDubuque's Ice Harbor by Roberts River Rides for its Dubuque CasinoBelle.
One novel item sold on the President and the Diamond Lady isbottled Genuine Mississippi River Water, "absolutely guaranteed tocontain Mississippi mud." The price is $6.60, and proceeds go to anonprofit student-exchange program. The President's gift kiosks alsooffer a Las Vegas-style wall clock with red dice marking the hours($24.95) and books of gambling advice (among them, How to Win atGambling and Beat the Odds).
All three operations expect the Chicago area to be their singlelargest market, and all say that advance reservations are essential.Bookings have been running so strong that some weekend cruises arealready sold out. You're likely to find a much better choice ofdates in the middle of the week.
And whether you love or loathe the notion of riverboat gambling,there's little doubt that the floating casinos already are changingthe face of tourism in the Midwest - and the pace of life in theirhome ports along the Mississippi.
One first-day gambler, Mary Tierney of Davenport, told a QuadCity Times reporter after losing $20 in the President's slotmachines: "This is not the Quad Cities. On a Monday like this, Ishould be home doing the wash."
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